NOT ONCE BUT TWICE WHY ME LORD?

This is a story of pain, sadness, but joy and promise!

This is not the original paper I wrote with this title, I can’t seem to find it. When I do, I will post it.

I would first like to introduce to you to Danielle Nicole. Danielle, was a very active baby, however, the blood tests came back abnormal. We decided to go the route of getting the amnio. This is where the doctors have you on an ultrasound and they watch the baby, when they see a place, they stick a looonnngg needle in to pull out some of the fluid. Usually it is very safe. However, there is a slim chance the baby could go into shock, and die. Unfortunately, I was the rare case and this is what happened. I was in for a lesson of my life. I was 6 months along in Dec., I went for a routine appointment, I knew immediately something was wrong when Dr. Cox (more on him in another blog coming soon) could not find the heartbeat and sent me for an ultrasound. There was no heartbeat! I was in shock, they wanted to admit me immediately, and we told them no, we needed to go to the school to tell Victoria and Tiffany. Danielle was supposed to play dolls. Where was my baby and why did this happen! My mind started in a whirlwind, she was suppose to grow up and serve the Lord, We called ahead to the school, they know we were coming and the girls were in the principal’s office waiting. Understandably, they were heartbroken at the news. They had the choice whether or not to stay at school or go home to grandma, they chose the latter. I am so thankful for my in laws! It was about 2:30pm when we got back to the hospital, I was asked when I felt the baby move last, it had been about 4 weeks, but during those 4 weeks I did not realize. I was hooked up to an IV, and told I needed to go through regular labor, I remember crying out “this isn’t fair” (it was not until later I remembered that God’s ways are not our ways). I even had to deal with the milk coming in afterwards! Dr. Cox came in about 5:45, my father in law (who was my Pastor) was there and the doctor said it would be a long time before I was dilated to a 10, I was not dilating very quickly. My father in law prayed for a quick labor and left about 5:40pm. At 6:00pm the nurses were calling the doctor he needed to come back immediately. I am so thankful for answered prayers. Little Danielle weighing about 1 lb was born at 6:20pm, naturally. I did not know what to do, I am thankful for the hospital. They took many pictures of her, and said they would hold on to them until I was ready to see them. Dan and I enjoy about an hour with her, before they took her away. My only regret is that Victoria and Tiffany did not get to come hold her, I just did not know. My initial thought was to let the hospital take care of their remains and my father in law said “NO”. In the whirlwind we suddenly had to plan for a funeral!


Not the exact coffin, but gives you an idea how small it was!

The hospital gave me a clip of her hair, and the blanket she was wrapped in as a treasure. The funeral home in Belle Vernon, PA, treated us very well as we went through this difficult time. We decided to not have a funeral but to bring her to Sandusky to be buried on top of Dan’s grandpa.
Now to explain the title better. Everyone encouraged us to get pregnant again quickly to help ease the emptiness in my heart. Guess what? It did not work! For the first 6 months I sat in constant fear if this was going to happen again. Every time the baby did not move I thought it should, I panicked. I made it past the 6 month mark and breathed a sigh of relief. Tiffany wanted to be in charge of making sure the diaper bag was ready and all supplies packed so we bought the diaper bag she wanted and she had it all packed! By 30 weeks my blood pressure shot up to very high levels, I was swelling and getting headaches. It was a Friday, and Dr. Cox admitted me immediately with suspension of pre-eclampsia (I had with Victoria). However, after observing me for a short time and my blood pressure continue to rise, he felt it was in my best interest to deliver the baby at 30 weeks and was moving me to a hospital in Pittsburgh, which had a neonatal unit. It was full toxemia! By Sunday afternoon when the baby was born, I was physically tired; I remember hearing Dan and the Nurse yelling at me to push since I was having her naturally. The survival rates for the baby were great! The baby weighed 2lbs 5 ozs. And very beautiful. I had prayed that the baby be born healthy and the little one was born crying, I got to hold the baby for a minute, until they whisked it away to the neonatal unit.



We were proud parents of another daughter, Katharina Nicole. At this point I became VERY sick and started bleeding out of every open cavity. My toxemia did not stop like it was suppose it, it progressed rapidly. My platelets were down to single numbers and I was in the ICU. While in the ICU, I anxiously awaited visits from Dan, Victoria, Tiffany and my in laws with stories about her. I was not allowed to see her due to being so sick; I had to just lay there. The report I always got was she is doing great, she is a fighter! On Tues night, Dan took the girls home and at about 1:30 am, I got a visit from the head of the neonatal unit, she came to tell me to call Dan and she was sorry. After I called Dan I begged to see her. The nurses and doctors agreed as long as I would go on the gurney and not lift my head at all. There I saw my beautiful baby. I was able to touch her, talk to her, but because of being sick, I just wanted to go back to my room. I remember at 3:00 am Dan walked in holding her, I was so sick to really care or for it to register. We have pictures of each of the girls holding her; we spent a long time with her before they took Kathrina to prepare her for the funeral director (same one we used for Danielle). The Drs after a couple days decided to move me to a private room, they were really very caring and my room was behind two doors so I could not hear the other babies cry. I was in for a whole weeks. I remember, she was born Sunday and on Monday it hit me, and when I cried, I got the worse nose bleed, the dr ran in and told me I could not get upset due to my low platelets.
While I was pregnant with Danielle, we would visit Dan’s grandma who was in Elyria in a nursing home, and even after I lost Danielle grandma would not know Dan and me, but she knew whoever I was, I was supposed to be pregnant. She would constantly ask to see the baby and we would tell her the baby was in Heaven with the Lord. In Dec. 91 the Lord called grandma home to be with him.
We decided since Katharina lived we wanted a real funeral for her. We asked Dan’s dad to perform the service, he started chocked up and then did a great job. During the funeral we sang Amazing Grace and Because He Lives (I still cry at that hymn).

MEMENTOS OF THE FUNERAL





The tombstone I always wanted!

After the luncheon, Dan’s dad and mom put Katharina in their car, and out of respect drove to Sandusky with lights on. We buried Katharina on top of Dan’s grandma.
To this day they do not know what caused her to die; she has some small things wrong but the head of the neonatal unit, said that it was not enough to kill her. Even the autopsy showed no reason. So today, I am able to thank the Lord for his wisdom.
I was told when I went back to Dr. Cox I could not have any more children, this one almost cost me my life! Heartbroken but understanding the decision was made. I thank God for the short time I had with her, and I rejoice that both my girls are in Heaven with Jesus. I am sure they are pestering him, but I know the Lord does not mind. Thank you Lord for lending me the girls for a short time, it is better than not at all! I know that I will definately see the girls one day when I die, I have accepted the free gift, of Jesus in my life, I know I will be in Heaven with them, for admitting I do bad things? Did you ever lose a love one? Will you see them again? If you want to know more contact me at valerieschnarr@gmail.com thanks!

A POEM FROM GRIEVING PARENTS!

I'll Hold You in Heaven

From the very beginning I loved you,
As I made plans to hold you and rock you:
You were tiny and helpless as you lay in my womb,
But something went wrong and soon you were gone;
My young heart was broken, my tears fell like rain,
I'd never known such heartache and pain.

I wonder who you look like, me or your dad,
Do you have my smile and his eyes?
Would you have been big and tall or tiny and small?
We had dreams for you that reached to the skies.
It was long, long ago and I still miss you so,
Thanks to Jesus, I'll see you in heaven.

I'll hold you in heaven someday,
When my trials on earth pass away;
The angels have rocked you, the Father watches over you,
I know you're waiting for me;
I never could hold you or tell you "Goodbye",
But I'll hold you in heaven someday.

In loving memory of Darrell Keith and Melody Joy Taylor.


(c) 1998 Jo Ann Taylor All Rights Reserved
Found this on the internet and felt it was appropriate.

After losing both girls, I became emotionally and mentally sick. I am finally after all these years coming out of it; I am able to make decisions with the Lord and Dan by my side. I am not the door mat I used to be!

FROM T-TODDLER TO HER OWN TODDLERS!

We always said we would not never shorten Victoria's name. When Tiffany was just a wee little girl she could not say Victoria, all she could say was "Tori". The name stuck, however, Victoria wanted a pet name for Tiffany, she called her T-Toddler, I don't suggest you call her that today, it is reserved for big sis to call her only!



Today is the day I want to introduce my miracle baby. Oops she is not a baby anymore, she is happily married to husband Josiah, and has children. Affectionately Tiffany's little pillow angel is 3, and Tiffany's little man is 2, and yes she is expecting too! At first Tiffany's little man thought it would be great if mommy had a puppy.



Boy, was he going to be disappointed! Now he says it is a sister and has not waivered from day one on that decision!We will have to wait and see, she is due May 27, 2010.

To bring you up to date, Tiffany in my mind was always my miracle baby, not because she was premature, otherwise that would be Victoria. You will see why as the blog goes on. She was born 4 weeks early, however, preterm labor started about 5 weeks before she was born. I was on route to Norfolk, VA, yes we were still in the Marine Corps, I had a gallstone stuck for over a week. That night after I arrived her dad showed up with a rose for me.


The nurses tried to take it away from me and when they did I woke up. I still have that rose!

They wanted to do surgery risking losing the baby. In today’s society many think "oh it is a coincidence", however, I know for sure it was the power of God that the stone finally dislodged!

Tiffany was always good as a child, if misbehaving, we just had to look at her. Tiffany’s heart is very tender on most things. Growing up if I was not feeling well, she would purposely do things to make me smile, and oh she loved to cuddle! The reason i picked a monkey, is Tiffany orginally wanted to work with monkeys!



Tiffany has always been on the tiny size. I remember going into the hospital one time, and getting into an argument with a lady over Tiffany’s age, finally I said "I am her mother, I think I know when she was born!" She said "oh" and walked away. Tiffany had one quality that we did not really like, stubbornness. But today I am glad for that stubbornness, and it is really more determination today. She needs it because of her little pillow angel.



I home schooled Victoria and Tiffany in the lower grades. It was always fun with her. I loved to” try” to read her stories it was difficult though. The words had NO vowels! That has changes, she writes beautiful stories on her pillow angel and her little man at www.dillonsjourney.com (I encourage you to read it). Tiffany would get angry at herself if she did not get an A on a test. In fact, she graduated in the top percentage of High School, with a 3.8. She took several advanced classes as well!



Victoria was Tiffany’s best friend. She would do anything Victoria asked. (more on that in a later blog). Tiffany's mission in life was to make everyone laugh and smile. It is funny when she was 11 or 12 she went to Kidron, OH to a Jewish camp that her grandfather ran through a Jewish mission board. When we got there, Tiffany ran over to us ad told us to walk “circumspectly” I looked at her, and made the mistake of challenging her. Asking what that big word meant, she looked at me with a look that said, don’t you know, I do, it means to walk carefully (lots of horses with buggies around).



When I was pregnant with my third and fourth children, Tiffany was so excited! She wanted to have diaper bag duty (I bet that has changed now). Unfortunately neither girl lived, more about them in my next post. She was heartbroken, but I think she likes being the youngest!

In high school, Tiffany was very rough on herself. She took the hardest courses and many times study until ten at night. However, she finally did something fun for herself in school and joined the play that was put on every year as a makeup artist, I wonder if she can make me look twenty years younger, I know she can age me! Her goal when she got out of High School was to go to Cedar Crest College in PA. It was funny because we got a ton of brochures and never once did it dawn on us, it was an all girl school, we found out when we went for orientation! At least we did not have to worry about a boy changing her mind about being a forensic scientist. During this time she was going to a local church and one evening, to our surprise, asked Jesus into her heart.



Thanking him for the torturous death he had to ensure she would go to heaven for eternity and knowing we serve a Risen Saviour. (we thought she had already done this) So on Oct. 15th, she had her second birth. First was into our family the second was into God’s family. What a joyous day! At this point God wanted her out of Cedar Crest and into the Bible Institute at the church.

Tiffany met a Godly young man, Josiah at church, and needless to say after talking on the phone, and computer, God brought them together.



Josiah is a wonderful man; I am blessed to have two son in laws that are that way!
Now they are in another church serving the Lord abundantly. It is exciting to see how God works in their lives and with them personally. Tiffany was always a mommy’s girl. So Dan and I each had one that was “ours” lol. One day not too long ago, Tiffany was dealing with a situation, and it came out next to Josiah I was her best friend, not to go into details, but it was something I regretfully abused. We talk to Tiffany, Josiah, and the boys on the computer, (Skype) on a regular basis. Though they are hundreds of miles away they still try to keep us in their lives. Tiffany and Josiah I love you both!



A woman gives thanks to God for her daughter who is the sweetest of the sweet.
An Angel Left Her Wings
© Tina M. Marascia

I have this little angel. For me she left her wings.
She has no idea how much happiness she truly brings.
She brightens up my days with her smiles and her laughs.
She helps me to remember all the blessings that I have.

Her face, it is so perfect, she's sweet and soft and pure.
Sometimes she can be willful and sometimes she is demure.
She tries her very hardest to please and do what's right.
She gives the greatest hugs from morning until night.

Every person that has known her sees this light within her soul
I know that in this whole great world, she has a special role.
She's helpful and considerate to everyone she knows
This light in her shines brighter as my angel grows.

When she sees someone is sad, it opens up her heart.
She wants to do all that she can; she wants to do her part.
She'll squeeze away the sorrow and make me forget about my pain.
She shows me where the sun is when we're hiding from the rain.

I know that God must love me, He showed me with His Grace
I knew just how completely when I saw my angel's face.
And in that very moment when she came into my world,
I knew that she was so much more than just my baby girl.

She would be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end.
And when she grows up one day she would be my closest friend.
She would be the reason I would always try my best.
For my little angel baby girl would be my greatest test.

When God entrusts to you an angel, who has left her wings for you.
Encircle her with love with everything you do.
Let her know God made her, and that He trusts you with her care.
Be sure to make time for special moments with her to share.

And when at night she finally says her prayers and goes to sleep
I Thank Him for my angel, and ask for him to always keep
A watchful eye and hand to protect her from this world.
Protect my little angel; protect my baby girl.


Source: An Angel Left Her Wings, Daughter Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=1038#ixzz0bwWhAJL1

THE DAUGHTER EVERY MOTHER WISHES SHE HAD!!

I’d like to introduce you to my little girl. However, she is not so little anymore, in fact, she is married with children of her own. One boy (J), One girl (S) and one on the way (M).She will always be my little girl, but Jonathans wife!
Let me back up though. When I was pregnant with Victoria we were in the Marine Corps and my hubby was away. For a joke I sent him two stuffed animals. They were a hippo and a whale. I symbolized the whale I was so huge and I swore I was having a baby hippo! She was only 4ft. 10in, 21 ¾ inches long, I should have called her a giraffe. However, the hippo part was not far from the truth. About 8 years ago we went back to Jacksonville, NC. She was only there a short time. Suddenly, out of the back seat Victoria said “when we went there, I was wearing the blue dress you made.” Swinging around I was astonished, Victoria has the memory of an elephant!



Growing up she always loved the Lord and asked some very deep questions for a child of her age. At the time she realized she was a sinner destine to spend eternity in Hell if she did not ask the Lord to forgive her sins and come into her heart to save her. Victoria has always been determined and I now see that as a blessing. It is how she gets through each day. Her favorite past time growing up was reading. If she was not reading it meant she was grounded!



Like any other child Victoria loved to play pranks on her younger sister Tiffany. But do not even think of messing with Tiffany, Victoria would not tolerate it. One time a dog had Tiffany on the ground and it’s mouth around Tiffany’s throat, without any thought to the seriousness that she could be facing, she took action and got the dog off Tiffany!
Victoria has always been an open person, and let you know how she feels. Her honesty is refreshing. One thing that bothered me was she was always analytical, I would tell her I wanted her to vacuum then dust, and respectively she would say “wouldn’t it be better if I dusted first?” Though she was right, sometimes we did not give in to teach her obedience.
From the moment she was born, she was daddy’s girl! He has a very unique bond with her, that today I can honestly say I am glad for. Victoria always did well in school, graduating in the top of her class. From there she went on to Massillion Bible College, we wanted her to do one year at Bible school before moving on. This was fine because she felt the calling of the Lord to go into full time ministry. On Sept. 11, 2001, we were on our way to the airport to take her and her grandmother to the airport, they were flying to Thailand, where Victoria was going to stay several months and my mother in law was to stay about a week. Needless to say, we turned around and she ended up going from Jan-June 2002. I missed her greatly but glad she was doing the Lord’s work.



Some of Victoria’s hobbies, other than her family, are cooking (she is a great cook, I love to go to her place to eat lol), reading, playing Farmville, sleeping (she does not get that luxury very often), talking to friends, attending Church, encouraging people (especially me), and listening and singing.
Victoria one day went to a restaurant to apply for a job and got a husband instead! Jonathan has a real burden for lost souls and to serve God anyway he can. He instantly became part of the family. Jonathan is active in the choir at Church, can lead music with more energy than anyone I know. Right now they are waiting on God for direction in their lives, but while they wait, Jonathan is a store manager for McDonald’s and Victoria is the first assistant. These two are a couple of the most dedicated people I know, and they try to show the love of the Lord in all they do! Victoria is every mothers dream child and Jonathan is the perfect match for her. I love you Victoria and Jonathan!


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A love God brought together that noone will seperate!


Mother Daughter Poem

A mother's words of love to her daughter
When times seem too hard to bear & I l feel like giving up
I vision your beautiful face, the twinkle of your eyes and things of such
The bond we created from my womb to the day you were born
Is a mother and daughter bind that can never be torn
With the strength and guidance of God and the blessings he pours down from above
I want to be the best mom I can be to you and embrace you with all my love
You are as precious as a flower and as gorgeous as a rose
You have been specially made to the very tip of your nose
You are as sweet as honey; such an innocent young child
You are brighter than any star in the sky every time you smile
I want you to be proud of who you are and strive to be the best
Put forth your efforts to achieve your goals and let God do the rest
I will always be your mother first, but I'm also your friend
Your are the most precious gift, that I've ever been given

With All My Love,

I love you!

plz go to the following web address for more very enjoyable poems

Source: Precious Gift, Mother Daughter Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=1950#ixzz0bwFZ48Fb
Precious Gift by Sherri Lawrence @ Family Friend Poems
Precious Gift by Sherri Lawrence @FamilyFriendPoems

http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=1950


I LOVE YOU!!!!

THE MAN IN FRONT OF THE WOMAN!!!!

I will be adding a picture of Dan as soon as I can!

First and foremost I apologize for not blogging for a while. I have some things straightened out now. At first I am going to introduce you to each person in my family. After you have met all these special people, I am going to dedicate this to help people in many different way as the Lord leads.

FIRST MEET THE AMAZING MAN in my life. I am thanking God everyday for him! I have not always felt this way :( this man has helped me back to a state of normalacy, I wont go into all the details here but feel free to email me if you have questions. Little about my hubby, Dan. It is hard to know to start; we met in Chatham, Ont. Canada at McDonalds of all places! He liked my best friend and I liked him, I won!! At the time, he was head custodian at McDonald's and since I closed alot it gave us much time together, it was not long after this next incident he knew I was the he was choosing me(yes choosing)not only to be his wife but the mother of his children! WHAT AN HONOR! The incident happened one night while closing at McDonald's, for those who did not know me back then, I loved to laugh play and have fun! Well..... I decided that night was perfect for a prank. The closing manager was an avid coffee drinker and he had been messing around with me all night. I gave the manager, Luke, quite the surprise, when he came back to the front line after counting money, he took a HUGE sip of his coffee and spit it all over the front, many of you may think this is mean, but it was known of me to do these things. See, somehow a package of vinegar opened and somehow in ended up stirred in his coffee!! Those silly mice running around the restaurant!
Also, during this time Dan invited me to Church, the first time I went was Mothers Day 1980. That evening in the pastors study, who is Dans dad, I came to the saving grace of the Lord. I was accepting a unique, priceless gift, and asked Jesus into my heart. I realized I had been doing bad things and asked the Lord to forgive me and He did immediately! I contunie to make mistakes and He continues to forgive me according to I John 1:9, this does NOT give a person the right to purposely sin, but when you do, He you loves you enough to forgive you and forget! (something people can not do)




The next step in Dan's life was his calling into the UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS. Being a I military brat, I thought I could handle this, boy was I wrong. The Marine Corps, has a saying as far as wives, if it wasn't issued to you in boot camp you dont need it! Just before he left on August 26, 1980, Dan gave me a pre engagement ring! I was thrilled. I knew I would not see him for 3 months, and unfortunately during that time, he did not write often, he was so busy, I wrote everyday! Dan attended boot camp in Parris Island.



After boot camp he went to Camp LeJeune. The first time I saw him after boot camp he was in his dress blues, I have to be honest my heart did a pitter patter of excitement! He looked good! Dan was home for a short time, and in that time I got my engagement ring. When he left we were not sure when we would see each other again, but he did call on a regular basis. I had to beg to have my 10 min phone limit lifted, and it was. As far as I knew, he would not be home for Christmas, and this saddened me, but I knew it was the military way. On Christmas morning I was disappointed because I did not recieve a parcel from him, that wasn't like him, I was confused. About 11:00am, my phone rang, it was Dan's parents wondering if I could come over, there was a gift from Dan at their place. Considering my family celebrated Christmas Eve (and I guess a phone call had been made I knew nothing about)my parents agree to let me go. When I got there his parents said to go downstairs where the tree was and they would be down in a minute. After going to the basement, I saw the recliner turned backwards and did not think anything of it, and said hi to his brother David (they look alike).After my hello the chair swung around and i SCREAMED! At this point Dans parents came downstairs my present was HIM!!! Skipping ahead a little just before he left to go back to Camp LeJuene, I was informed in Jan. he would be shipping out to Okinawa Japan for one year. My heart stopped as I cried, I knew he did not correspond well thorugh letters, phone calls would be next to impossible, I was heart broken. I also had enough sense to know long distant relationships DO NOT work. However, I am stubborn and we made it work with the Lord's help!
On May 29th, 1982 I proudly, became MRS. DANIEL E. SCHNARR! What a day, story for another time...
We were in the Marine Corps until 1988, during this time God blessed us with Victoria, Tiffany, Danielle and Kathanna! (More on them in days to come)
From there Dan held many jobs, about the time Danielle died i got sick. I did not realize how bad until about a week ago...Dan and the girls had to "mother" me, telling what to wear, which shoes, wear a coat what to eat, ect. They never gave up on , Victoria just shared she knew one day I would be well again. I do not want to make this about me, I just want to say the Lord has given me a new heart and attitude, and I am taking with the help of the Lord, the role of "mother" back from my girls and going to be the best Godly mother/grandmother I can be.
Many people know the Marine Corps is one of the toughest branches of service, but what you may not know is "once a marine always a marine" Dan says he is American by birth, Christain by choice, and a marine by the grace of God!

Today as of this writing I can honestly say I have the world's best husband! He is so attentive to me, and though I can stand on my own two feet now, I still look to him for guidance. He is understanding the changes in me, but I think for a while he thought the "new me" would not need him anymore, to that I say SILLY SILLY MAN!Dan is the love of my life, I strive to be the wife he can be proud of now. It has been hard, but I am happy to report, we have date nights, we snuggle, we talk, he cracks jokes and laughs, we hardly have disagreements,but most importantly he prays for me and with me. The other day is a good example, I was heartbroken and crying, he came up to me wrapped his arms tightly around me and prayed over me, what a feeling! I had instant peace knowing no matter what happens God is in control and Dan has my back. There is so much more I want to share about him, but I am sure he will come up in future blogs. This is for you you honey, I love you, thanks for the priveledge of being your wife, mother to your children, I especially love the fact i am married to a grandpa :)!


Christian Glitter by www.christianglitter.com




Watch for upcoming blog of Dan's sense of humor lol

FIRST POST

HI my name is Valerie Schnarr, I am married to a wonderful man and 4 wonderful children. Victoria is our eldest and she lives outside Toledo with her husband and with our grandson and only granddaughter. She is expecting May 7, 2010. Tiffany lives outside Philedelphia with her husband and our first grandson (to read about him go to www.dillonsjourney.com) and our second grandson JayDonn. She also is pregnant and due May 27, 2010! Our third and fourth daughters are already in glory. I have wanted to do a blog for a while. I plan on using this blog to be an encouragement to others, keep family informed but most important to honor our Lord and Saviour who died so I would be able to know I will live in Heaven one day with him. I picked the name LIONS AND TIGGERS AND BEARS because, the devil is like a roaring lion. Tigger is my nickname and Bears refer to my cuddly grandchildren.